Who's the child here?

Hannah and I were having a battle of wills today. It started because Hannah wouldn't clean up a particularly messy toy when I specifically told her, "if you get that out you must put it all away yourself." She too easily agreed. I don't usually have problems with her - she's quite reasonable and well-behaved. That said...

We gave each other the silent treatment for about two hours. I was frustrated that she absolutely refused to clean up, even after she knew the consequences. She didn't care, and that bothered me the most. It shouldn't have. I should have been able to carry on as normal knowing that I would follow through with the consequences and the punishment would be hers. However, I felt like I was punishing both of us for making misery of an afternoon. I wasn't showing love and neither of us were feeling love.
I tried not to deliberately withhold love from her, but I was. I realized what I was doing when Jane woke up from her nap and Hannah couldn't stop hugging her. She even took Jane to the couch to hold her there. She then followed Jane around the house looking for attention. My heart sank.

Then, I started to pick up some of the books that had become de-shelved during the morning play date. I came across a book my mom-in-law gave me, A Creative Companion by Sark. I sat on the floor a moment and flipped through the pages. I stopped on a colorful page with the heading, "How to really love a child". I read. Here were some from the long list that I liked and more that I needed:

Say yes as often as possible
If they're crabby, put them in water
If they're unlovable, love yourself
Realize how important it is to be a child
Remember how really small they are
Surprise them
Make loving safe
Bake a cake and eat it with no hands
Keep the gleam in your eye
Stop yelling
Giggle a lot
Speak kindly
Express your love

My heart sank further. I felt humbled. My attitude changed and so did Hannah's. AMAZING! I never realized with such poignancy how much the mood and state of my children and home depend on me. That makes me more important than I'd like to admit.


Hannah, you teach me so much. I love you.

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